Psychological Impotency – How to Avoid it – How to Fix it

The “American Male” role is a narrow and well-defined set of behaviors that govern men of all ages. Starting in childhood, homophobic parents and teachers use behavior modification to maneuver male children with rewards and punishments designed to make a man out of a child. Unfortunately, the tough, unfeeling model of the fifties portrayed so successfully by Lee Marvin, Brando, Newman and John Wayne fails miserably in real life scenarios of business, home, women and children.

Given an impossible and painful strait-jacket definition of themselves, men find that they are angry, frustrated and off their game. Yet, there is a huge difference between physical impotency and psychological impotency. Check with your doctor first, but Masters and Johnson used a common at home test that can tell you lots. The simple test of a taping a flaccid penis before sleep and checking in the morning for a break in the tape is a good indicator of which type of impotency a man experiences. You may feel a bit ridiculous but if the tape is broken in your sleep then there is no problem with the equipment. We must then assume the issue is a problem with attitude and thinking negatively. Here are a few steps to consider that may recover the right attitude, your desire and confidence once again.

Comments from your buddies can chip away at your self confidence. Male banter is competitive and invigorating for most guys. But the more inadequate your friend feels, the more likely he will take the critical barrage to a meaner level. At some point, the comments may cut deeply, especially about your physical appearance or ability with partners. Get tough on your low ego friends and shut them up. When a friend goes too far they become a destructive enemy and you need to draw the line. This is a good time to pull out the John Wayne stance (possibly the only good time for it.)

Lots of ladies have high needs for attention and low needs for intercourse. You know what that does to you. As you attempt to relieve your mental sexual nagging by nagging her, watch out she may bite! In order to get you to back off, she may say or do something vicious. Ever watch a female dog attack a too amorous male dog when she is not quite ready for him. She goes for the jugular. So might your little love-dove. What ever she says or does is meaningful only in sending a message to you that she is not ready for sex. Getting her ready is a minimum twenty minutes for most, weeks for others. This has nothing to do with loving you in the female mind.

A wise man from Egypt once said chuckling, that only American men try to satisfy a woman with their penis. Other men use all the rest of themselves, he said with a lecherous wink. Women want to feel desired by their man and told they are the most beautiful and sexiest woman alive. Yes, they know you are lying, but still, she needs the fantasy about herself to feel sexy. When you ogle other women, she feels ugly. That will not help us right now. She needs you to respond to her in a caring way, but that could be just brushing her hair or slow dancing in the living room. Ask her how she wants you to show her you care. It will blow your mind how unique that can be.

Women love men who notice the millions of little things they do to be attractive. They do want to talk about their new eyelash curler and feel clever for finding it after six hours at the mall. If you make fun of her or demean her, she will implode emotionally. If she does not feel good about herself, she will not feel like turning you on, either. Without her help, passion is difficult to do all on your own. (FYI. MAC has a good one.)

Your performance in the bedroom is not always dependable any more than a golf swing, a child’s reaction, the outcome of dinner or the rest of your life can be. However, your reaction is completely within your control. Try other pleasure methods, massage, love words, toys etc. and enjoy what you can. Some women never achieve an orgasm but enjoy lovemaking anyway. So can you.

Your physical shape can predispose you to more frequent problems, which in turn can lead to emotional panic and fear that it will happen again, thus virtually guaranteeing that it happens again. The pressure and stress you put on yourself is a disaster and unnecessary. A lose-lose, right? Check with your doctor about losing the gut because fat increases estrogen and reduces testosterone and starts an avalanche of health problems for men. Have your old resistant doctor test your hormone levels and prescribe some hormone drops if your body needs it.

At first you may try to increase stimulation with pornography and risky behavior and that might even work- temporarily. But how far can you go on that road? Skip the diseases and divorce. Ask your partner to be happy when you can perform and supportive, not critical when you can not. Remember, she is overwhelmed with her own feeling of inadequacy. Her worst fear is that you are avoiding her because she is not desirable, never suspecting that it is your own anxiety that is creating distance between the two of you. You are a man, not a machine. You do cry, get scared and fail sometimes. Really, that is so much sexier than a wooden heart.

Avoiding Infidelity – 8 Tips to Keep Your Partner Faithful

The news media thrive on streaming information – and gossip – about the exploits of high visibility couples. The general public has been well informed about the infidelity of John Edwards, the visits to call girls by Eliot Spitzer, the on-going splits of Hollywood couples. Polls report that approximately one-third of marriages have experienced an affair by one of the partners. How then do the other two-thirds resist the temptation to stray? As Paul Newman, married over 50 years to Joanne Woodward before he died, explained it, “I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?”

Recent research has identified some functions of the brain that make it easier to remain monogamous, particularly for women. When placed in a situation where an outside flirtation is possible, a subconscious alarm is set off and women react by not paying attention to the appealing threat. Instead, they express more commitment to their relationship. Men’s brains do not automatically protect their relationships in the same way but can be trained to do so by visualizing and planning how to avoid the enticement. Additional studies have shown that when strong love is at the forefront, it is harder for the brain to pay attention to, perceive and recall the appeal of an attractive outsider.

So, with physiology and love on your side, here are 8 tips to make it easier for you and your spouse to stay faithful.

1. Invest in your partnership. Make time for your relationship just as you would for any valuable asset. The efforts that you put into growing and developing it will be returned in multiples. Use each other for support as you are going through the myriad challenges of life.

2. Keep up the romance. Remind each other why you fell in love. Set aside time to be together and focus on each other. Be free with your affection and warmth. Tap into your sensuality and find new ways of exploring and expressing your sexual relationship together.

3. Enjoy each other. Be playful and have fun together. Laugh and bring humor into your daily life. Plan some adventures – discover new activities you both like to do. All of these bring more pleasure into your relationship and encourage real intimacy between you.

4. Give compliments freely. Sometimes it seems easier to criticize and complain than to praise and acknowledge positive behavior. Adjust your antennae to be more attentive to the actions you want to reinforce. When you are thinking something nice, say it out loud to your partner.

5. Keep your communication open and honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become full-fledged arguments. Use the same conversational etiquette with your spouse that you would with anyone else you care about and respect. Practice active listening skills and sending I-messages.

6. Use cooperation and compromise. Be flexible in resolving your conflicts. Remind yourself to look at the issue from your partner’s perspective as well as from your own. Ask yourself if it is more important to be right and win the argument than to protect your relationship.

7. Deal with anger. Once you have expressed negative feelings, find a way to let go of the hostility. Resist holding on to resentment and avoid the emotional baggage of planning retribution. Learn to forgive your partner and to apologize for your own mistakes.

8. Build basic trust and loyalty. If you are devoted to one another and to your marriage, your behavior will reflect this deep commitment. Knowing that you are dedicated to the needs of each other gives you both the confidence to pursue your own goals out in the world.

When you take the responsibility to incorporate these 8 techniques into your relationship, you increase the odds of being there for one another through the years. And it’s nice to know that your brain function is hard wired to support you in these efforts to stay close to home.

Being Profit Centric

What is the most important aspect of your business: Marketing, Sales, Customer Service, Management, Leadership, Teamwork Development, Technology, Quality Assurance of Product or Service or Your Customer’s Satisfaction?

WRONG! None of these.

What is most important is your profitability. As small business entrepreneurs we get very caught up in the marketing of the business or selling, selling, selling or making sure that we have delivered an incredible customer experience. This is all great, but it doesn’t mean your business is going to survive. All three of these aspects, which we call the Strategic Revenue Cycle, are extremely important but will be meaningless if you are not showing the correct amount of profitability. They are integral partners to each other. This means your net profit margins must be significant enough to cover all your expenses and then give you the profit you need to thrive.

No Margin, No Mission

This is an old saying, but quite applicable. If you do not set realistic margins you will not be able to fulfill your mission, whatever that might be. Many small business entrepreneurs feel awkward charging for their services or charging more than the other guy for their services. If you do not respect your own profit margins then you do not respect the work that you are doing. Doesn’t your work add value to people’s lives? Of course it does. You must understand that you are a problem solver. What you do is solve problems for people with your area of expertise. Plumber, Clothing Retailer, Dentist, Accountant, Massage Therapist, Sign Maker and a Heart Surgeon, are all the same. They are professions that help people solve specific problems. How well would a Heart Surgeon be able to help me purchase a blouse for my wife? Not very. He/she has neither the product nor the expertise.

Problem Solving is Value Building

Let’s say you have a broken ankle. The Brain Surgeon wants to fix your ankle and he will only charge you $300, interested? However, you also have the foot surgeon who specializes in fixing broken ankles and wants to fix it but it costs $3000. Who wins? Really? You will pay 10 times as much to an ankle guy versus a Brain guy? Why? Because his specialty is fixing ankle problems, therefore his expertise is worth more to you. Let’s make it even more obvious, you have a brain tumor who do you want operating in your head… ankle guy or brain guy? Point made.

You are a brain surgeon. At what you do, assuming you are very good at it, you are a brain surgeon in your area of expertise. I can’t do what you do. You can’t do what I do. This is how we exist in our society. We are interdependent. We respect ourselves and each other by developing ourselves to the best of our ability. We can then rely on each other and in a capitalist society we are willing to pay each other for that area of expertise. It is each of our responsibilities to continually develop ourselves. This knowledge an experience is worth money to you and value to your customer.

Handyman Gene Missing

Somewhere I lost the Handyman Gene. I can hardly put a nail in the wall. My friend Andre can tear a car down to nuts and bolts and rebuild it again. He can build a house from scratch and do all the plumbing, electrical and heating work; unbelievable. To me he is a mechanical genius. He is my brain surgeon when it comes to my house. He can solve any problem I have and that is worth a lot to me. He has a level of expertise I can only hope for. So do you. You have a depth of knowledge, a level of expertise that makes you who you are and your business what it is. People are willing to pay for that and pay well. Do you remember the movie, The Color of Money with Paul Newman and Tom Cruise? Paul Newman’s character partners up with Tom Cruise’s character to make money from hustling at pool. When Newman is first enticing Cruise to partner up he says something along the lines of, “When you’re the best, money is easy. People who are the best make lots of money, because they are the best.” That is what we are talking about here. If you develop yourself to be the best that you can be, and then if you can have others recognize that you are as good or better than anyone else in the area, they will not only do business with you but they will pay you well….more than the other guy to fix the same problem.

If you stay Profit Centric you know where your margins need to be and you will charge accordingly. By being profit centric you can focus on effective marketing, successful sales and delivering an incredible customer experience. You see, a Profit Centric organization is not about you the owner making lots of money. It is about assuring that you can stay focused on doing what is right by the customer because you are making the money you need to have a thriving business and the lifestyle you desire.

So, go put up your prices by 15% and increase your value by 60%. You will find that you will sell more at the higher price and have higher customer satisfaction and loyalty. Or, you could not believe me and keep doing what you are doing. To quote Dr. Phil: “Based on results, how’s that working for ya?”